Denise has been a student of grief and has experienced her own grief and I believe God has gifted her with incredible insights and help for those who are grieving, which when we are honest is most of us most of the time.  

Will we ever be happy again after a big loss?

How do we get through grief?

What if my grief is smaller than others?

Why do we grieve?

If you need to reach her after this you can email her at: [email protected]

She facilitates a Grief Support group Locally in Canandaigua, NY

Crosswinds Wesleyan Church

3360 Middle Cheshire Road

Canandaigua, NY 14424

Next session starts October 13th 6-8pm

Session will run many weeks

See them there wrinkles coming, See the imperfections in my skin tone...are my eyebrows too bushy..can you even tell I have them??... I zoomed in on noticing these things after I got target marketed for wrinkle cream and botox when I turned 40...

Some of you know my back story- but at age 14 I went into a full-blown eating disorder – started with anorexia and then progressed into basically EVERY form of disordered eating.  My weight was at a low of 89 pounds and a high of 189 pounds.  At all of those weights I thought I was fat.  Yes, at even 89 pounds I thought I needed to lose more.  So, needless to say, the lens I have on myself is whack.  I have learned what I see in the mirror can’t be trusted and I try to not spend too much time analyzing it or I go into a tailspin of NOT GOOD.

You don’t have to have my story to struggle with body image.  Media has done a number on us putting an unrealistic and a not even possible pressure of how to look.  I could rant for HOURS on this o...

Feelings- Emotions -what the heck is going on with me??

Quick Definitions:

*Your brains best guesses guided by your past experience.

*The conscious experience of emotional reactions.

*An emotional state or reaction.

*Belief, especially  vague or irrational.

The power of feelings has definitely taken an up trend in the last few decades.  They surely needed too.  Feelings are not meant to be stuffed or ignored – because THEY WILL surface in some way and it is often destructive.

I also want to take note to not give them too much power.  Feelings DO NOT equal truth.  They are indicators of something you need to explore.  Feelings are guesses at best.  Sometimes our guesses are right on, but sometimes they are horribly wrong. 

When I let my feelings take too much control in my life – I start to drift into a dark place. 

If I stopped and imagined what my day would look like if I let my feelings decide ......

My snooze button wou...

When does self-care goes too far…or not enough?  Some people become a shell of a person in service of others (mom’s are a large category).  Some people fall in love with self-care so much that their personal happiness becomes the chief aim.  “I’m just not happy anymore” is a common reason for divorce. 

I believe you can do self-care and others-care at the same time.  There will be ebbs and flows but I’ve seen many people do this beautifully. 

Here’s a couple things I want you to know:

• Happiness research is pretty clear on this…the way to find happiness is not to seek it for yourself. When you serve others, do useful work, and enjoy moments with others…these are some of the peak happy moments. 
• If you don’t take care of yourself I’ll bet there are a dozen people worrying about you. When I was a young dependent I did worry about my Mom and Dad. 
• Self-Care doesn’t need to take hours. I believe you need moments every day, sometime weekly, something bigger monthly, and mayb
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I am one to jump to anxiety and fear before faith and perseverance.   YEP. True story. 

I think we have been given this idea that we can get anxiety to go away.  That we can go forward in life without feeling anxiety again if we just master our minds enough.  Personally, I think this is HOGWASH.  Aren’t I a ray of sunshine J

Life is hard.  For every single person on this earth.  In no way are we promised to have an easy life.  Even if we pray hard enough, do the most good possible and save the turtles LIFE WILL BE HARD at times. We are NOT a weak human if that hard causes anxiety. 

What we CAN do with anxiety is realize it will come and go and we can learn to REST in the ANXIETY (that sounds silly doesn’t it). But knowing I can rest in anxiety gives me such peace and ability to keep moving forward.  It takes away the paralyzed inaction because I think I am weak. 

When we stay stuck in anxious feelings we are stunting our growth and limiting our human experience.   We ar...

[Written the day after William B. Foster of Fairport, NY passed away]

I woke up today for the first time in a world without Bill Foster. 

Bill married my grandmother the year after my parents married. 

He’s been in our family since well before I was born. Bill insisted that he be called “Bill.” He didn’t want to be grandpa or any other title.

Eventually, we settled on GrandBill. And for those great grandkids that had trouble with their B’s, GrandPill - which I think was his personal favorite.

He was such a sweet man who had lived a colored and interesting life. A life that was hellbent on his own personal destruction. For the first half anyway.

Bill was an alcoholic and if he had maintained his lifestyle there’s no doubt in my mind he would have been gone before age sixty. Probably before age fifty. At age 42 (?) he took his last drink.

He gave it up. And he gave it up for something beautiful. He gave it up to God. He gave it up for himself. And he gave it up for the woman he wa...

This is Bill…

He’s my step grandpa.  Here he is playing my wife down the isle at our wedding. 

He’s dying…

Aren’t we all?  Yes.  But, he’s been told it’s terminal liver cancer. 

Jeremy, why are you sharing this?  It seems like a big downer. 

Because, I think his story will provide inspiration to us all that we CAN change!

The Story:

Bill has always been called Bill by us grandkids.  They were married before I was born.  In my heart he’s grandpa but we all call him bill because he didn’t see himself as a grandpa type perhaps. 

Before the blessed moment that he met and married my Grandma.  He was an alcoholic.  Not like a functional alcoholic either like a stumbling alcoholic.  The first 30-40 years of his life were a mess.  I’m sure on more than one occasion he said.  “This is just who I am.”  “I can’t seem to change it!” 

This is a big deal because my actual grandpa died in my late teens (he was 71) and spent most of his time on his own pursuits, alcoho...

I need to let you know something....

 

I gained weight back 3 times.  20-30 pounds after losing 60 lb.  I say this to you not ashamed or not to scare you but to offer you hope and to help you find grace in the journey if you are sitting in that spot right now. 

 

Here is an interesting little tid bit.  Did you know that RELAPSE is PART of RECOVERY!  Yep, truth.  You don’t just decide to change and boom you change.  It’s a process of highs and lows and boring in between.  Relapse is expected in the initial recovery period.  This does not make you a failure this makes you HUMAN.  No one starts something and the first time – ta-da you’re perfect at it.  Think of how many times a baby falls learning to walk.  Your journey towards health is a lot like that – you just have to keep getting back up.

 

THIS YEAR HAS BEEN HARD!  So much pain, loss, isolation, change and uncertainty.  Nothing feels normal or that it ever will be again.  These feelings trigger coping mechanisms like craz

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We’re smiling with our eyes, can’t you tell. Super hard with a face-mask right! Trying to smile extra with your eyes is a new 2020 skill we are trying to master.