I (Sarah) need to let you know something...

I need to let you know something....

 

I gained weight back 3 times.  20-30 pounds after losing 60 lb.  I say this to you not ashamed or not to scare you but to offer you hope and to help you find grace in the journey if you are sitting in that spot right now. 

 

Here is an interesting little tid bit.  Did you know that RELAPSE is PART of RECOVERY!  Yep, truth.  You don’t just decide to change and boom you change.  It’s a process of highs and lows and boring in between.  Relapse is expected in the initial recovery period.  This does not make you a failure this makes you HUMAN.  No one starts something and the first time – ta-da you’re perfect at it.  Think of how many times a baby falls learning to walk.  Your journey towards health is a lot like that – you just have to keep getting back up.

 

THIS YEAR HAS BEEN HARD!  So much pain, loss, isolation, change and uncertainty.  Nothing feels normal or that it ever will be again.  These feelings trigger coping mechanisms like crazy.  With that it is not at all uncommon to have gained some weight back and slipped into some old habits.  You may be feeling like all your hard work is a waste – the time, energy and money you have spent on being healthy just went down the drain.  You may be feeling discouraged, wanting to throw in the towel all together, or maybe even believing this is as good as it gets, why bother?

 

Let me tell you my little story.  I am someone who battled (and yes, I mean battled) anorexia, bulimia and then a big swing to binge eating- I had a 100-pound weight gain pretty quick (some of which was needed).   A solid 15 years of total disfunction.  In treatment I was told I was “excessive”.  When trained counselors who have seen hundreds of eating disordered clients tell you, you were “excessive” -that makes you realize you have a lot of junk to let go.  I am sitting on the other side of it right now but the memories and the scars are still there.  (which is a blessing now)

 

When I started my journey, I fell FLAT ON MY FACE MANY TIMES.  But here is the trick- I got back up!

 

Here is a glimpse of those times, maybe some of you can relate...

FIRST TIME:

I was newly working as an ICU nurse -first time ever doing night shift.  I was also newly married and finding out very quickly that I was married to an entitled addict. We moved to a po-dunk town with nothing to do and I knew no one.   I barley slept and was totally depressed.  Insert- 30-pound weight gain. 

 

 

SECOND TIME:

Newly re-married to Jeremy, moved to a new town, left great friendships and support network, change in career and then putting perfectionistic standards on myself because I married a personal trainer and became a personal trainer.  Insert 25-pound weight gain.  (that Jeremy captured my heart and made it all worth it, but it was a hard transition)

 

 

THIRD TIME:

After Anna was born.   I had a heck of a time gaining weight while pregnant with Anna – I tried so hard but 14 pounds was all I managed to put on.   Go figure – other times I am pretty sure I could have put on 10 in a weekend.  I had a rough delivery and my body went whack.  After she was born I dropped 30 lbs. in less than 2 weeks.  IT WAS CRAZY.  Every time I woke up I looked different.  I was depleted and I was shoving food in my mouth as fast as I could to try to slow the weight loss and keep my milk supply coming.  Well, after 5 months my body regulated.  But I was a new mom, who transitioned to working from home.  Don’t get me wrong, I love being with my kids but after high intensity jobs, going to changing diapers and singing the same song and reading the same book 1000 times a day ...I wanted to put my head through a wall and I didn’t slow down my increased intake of food and oops INSERT 20-pound weight gain. 

 

 

This was the last time I have fluctuated more than 5 pounds (which is normal).  This was over 8 years ago.   I have gone through another pregnancy with a more even weight gain and weight loss.  I sometimes can’t believe I haven’t put on 15 during the stress of the pandemic.

I have weathered other storms that could have put me in using food to cope.  And I will weather many more if I am blessed to keep living on this green earth.  These times will naturally trigger old behaviors.  Those old behaviors seem comfortable but the memory of them not working and leaving me in a worse spot also come up and am now able to find other ways to cope.    We are resilient and we can weather storms with strength, grace and compassion. 

 

 

Here are some of my big take away’s from gaining back the weight I had lost.   They aren’t a special diet or exercise plan at all.

 

THEY ARE:

GRACE is necessary.  I found grace with myself the hardest to give but it was a game changer when I could let my past be part of my learning, part of what makes me stronger and more connected to who I really am and others. 

 

FORGIVENESS- I am a work in progress and I don’t have to do anything perfect.  No one actually does anything perfect so why should I.  Perfectionistic thinking only makes me insecure and turning towards behaviors that don’t help me but harm me.  Besides, perfect people make me want to gag :P. When I have slipped into old coping mechanisms I change the narrative to “thank you for helping me get through this crappy season but I have a better way now”.

 

HOPE!  There is always hope.  I choose to believe this because it keeps you moving in a forward direction.  So far better days have always come after a dark season.   I can grow and learn and become a better version of myself after each time I fall and each hard season I endure.

 

ENVIRONMENT:  I had to change my day in and day out surroundings.  This doesn’t always mean a move but I had to make the place I reside in a place that set me up for success.   Clutter makes me crazy, too much variety with food makes me want to eat it all.   Also, being outside as often as possible helps keep my mind in a positive spot.

 

COMMUNITY.  I can’t do this on my own.  I need God, I want my family, a few friends and to be surrounded by people who sharpen me and are working on being the best versions of themselves.  This does not make me weak- this makes me as someone who was created to do life with others not be stuck alone in my silent prison. 

 

Please, if you are sitting in a dark spot dig deep and get back up.  You are still on this earth and you have life left to live and give and enjoy.  It is NEVER to late...NEVER.   

 

Get back up,

dust yourself off,

start where you are

and step into the future you were created for!

 

Blessings.

 

From the Refuse Average / Tall Trainer TeamStacie, Andrew Boot, Andrew Biernat, Jeremy, and Sarah

P. S. You are always welcome at Tall Trainer- if you need some people to lean on and battle through with we are here. 

 

If you are on round 1, 2...3...or 23 we are here for YOU too!