Self-Care vs. Self-ish

When does self-care goes too far…or not enough?  Some people become a shell of a person in service of others (mom’s are a large category).  Some people fall in love with self-care so much that their personal happiness becomes the chief aim.  “I’m just not happy anymore” is a common reason for divorce. 

I believe you can do self-care and others-care at the same time.  There will be ebbs and flows but I’ve seen many people do this beautifully. 

Here’s a couple things I want you to know:

• Happiness research is pretty clear on this…the way to find happiness is not to seek it for yourself. When you serve others, do useful work, and enjoy moments with others…these are some of the peak happy moments. 
• If you don’t take care of yourself I’ll bet there are a dozen people worrying about you. When I was a young dependent I did worry about my Mom and Dad. 
• Self-Care doesn’t need to take hours. I believe you need moments every day, sometime weekly, something bigger monthly, and maybe even a personal retreat yearly. 
• If you have moments you feel like you want to run away. Do!…find a way to step out for a moment.  If that feeling builds up too great then you are more likely to hold more resentment to the people or work that is making you so trapped.  You might go for a full break then. 
• Many people overserve others and then reach their breaking point and a feeling of entitlement takes over. Fueled by years of struggle. 
• Since I am the trainer yes I think exercise should make it daily. Not even for physical health as much as mental health. 
• Remember if you fall apart who's there for them now?

Final Thought…

We often see this self care and care for others as opposite ends of a continuum.  Like this. 

But they are not opposing forces.  You can be low on both or high on both or low in one and high in the other.  It makes more of a chart like this.   

This is from Adam Grant (NY Times Best-selling author and organizational Psychologist)

You can see that Low self care and low care for others makes you like Homer Simpson.  The high care for others and low care for self sometimes feel like they are the best since they are so selfless.  But, those people are some of the worst performers because they burn out!  Obviously, low care for other and high care for self makes you a jerk and is what so many burned out people are so scared they might become if they do this self-care thing. 

Ideally, we are high on both.  High care for self and High care for others.  This means giving and serving with boundaries. 

Are you low in both categories?

Which one is more critically low?

What do you need to add to be high in both?

These are questions for you and are continually good questions for me too! 

I wish you lots of happiness, charged batteries, and a positive impact on others!

Have Fun, Be Safe, God Bless,

Jeremy "the tall trainer" Biernat

Would you like more?

#1 - There's a book...

(click to see more)

#2 - An online workout community that donates 50% to charity

(Click to See More)

 #3 - Local Training (Canandaigua, NY).  

www.talltrainer.com