A girl named HOPE

A girl named HOPE

(post from Nov 15th 2016!)

Several months ago Jeremy and I were having the conversation of, what would we name our next child?  THIS IS NOT IN OUR NEAR FUTURE, so you don’t need to eye my mid-section every time you see me.   The name HOPE blurted out of me with gusto.  That name, that word resonated deep in my soul.  It kind of left me baffled at the intense emotion I had connected to that.

As I thought on it more I realized if you could sum up the last 8 years of my life with ONE word, it would be HOPE!

I had some pretty big battles to fight within me.  I knew I was put on the earth to be more than beaten down and hiding from any painful experience using excess food or lack of food. 

I had made slight progress before this, but the words of my high school counselor and nutritionist rang in my ears “once and anorexic or bulimic always one”.  That statement to me took HOPE of freedom from these crippling issues away.  I had interpreted it as, why even try if it is ALWAYS going to haunt me.

Now those crippling issues had stopped but had turned into a vicious cycle of binge eating.   I felt hopeless and OUT OF CONTROL.

So about 8 years ago my mindset started to change.   I was at rock bottom.   My first husband had left and the future I dreamed of seemed impossible and uncertain. Any wind I had left in my sails was gone.  My eating disorder behaviors started to rear their ugly head.  I thought “yep they were right once an…always an”.  Almost in that same moment truth hit my like a 2x4.   If I really believed in a God that rescues the broken hearted, who sent his son to save sinners I needed to live like that.  An intense fight stirred within me and I started LIVING my life with HOPE.

Every attempt I made towards recovery was filled with HOPE.  Everything I started was started with “this could be it, this could help me truly recover”.  There were many wrong fits along the way.  I looked at all these experiences like an epic journey to uncover who I was free from food addictions.  If an attempt wasn’t making progress, I would move along and find another path.  I didn’t stop and think…see NOTHING WORKS…I am too damaged.  I had HOPE even in failures.  Each failure taught me something.  So it wasn’t even really a failure to me. 

I absolutely believe I live my life in a much healthier place because I have HOPE that things CAN, WILL and DO get better.   That “failures” and imperfections are a beautiful opportunity to learn something and grow.

I love the quote. 

“ What if I fail?”  “Oh, but my darling what if you FLY?”

“What if”…. What if this is the day you learn something, try something that propels in you into being a healthier you.. What if you believed in yourself and took on opportunities with hope instead of fear….  That change in mind set will change your life forever.

What if….

Blessings,

Sarah

Update:  Hope Emmaline Biernat was born April 19, 2019 @ 3:01 pm.  7 pounds 14.1 Oz and 20" tall/long.  God decided Hope was in our future!